I have this idea of what I want to write about tonight. It's not packaged all nice and neat, so I'm just going to write free-flow and see what happens. There will probably be some incorrect placement of commas and some run-on sentences, too, but if you're down for that kind of thing, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride.
This whole NASA shuttle-delay thing got me to thinking about countdowns and how the numbers flashing before us can change our perspective on time. I was also thinking about how I have only 5 more blogs to write this month, 4 after this one. Maybe as humans we have a need to measure our time, and we find a value in knowing precisely how much we have left before certain events take place.
I have a certain event taking place tomorrow morning. The countdown is already running in my head; 5 hours prior wake-up, guzzle coffee, eat protein, stretch, continue cramming math and other GRE test-taking material in brain; 2 hours prior, shower, get dressed, drink some more coffee, keep studying, get on metro; .5 hours prior, arrive at testing center. Then, each portion of the test will be timed, and the screen will show me how much time I have left, which I should have down to a science how long I have to answer each question or draft each point of my essays, but since I haven't done any practice tests, I have no idea, but that countdown timer will surely be a helpful stress inducer.
So the test is a pretty big deal and may have certain ramifications on my future, like my ability to get into the grad school of my choice, but mostly likely it will just serve as a practice test and I will have to take it again. But as soon as it's over, another countdown is on, this time studying for the subject specific test. And after that, it will be polishing the applications, trying to get everything in for that December deadline. Clock is ticking. Come on! This is my life we're talking about here, my dreams, my calling. Time is not stopping to wait for me to finish this show or this blog.
But we get no countdown on major events in our lives. Like our life starting. There is no way to countdown to conception, or a timer showing when our hearts will start beating (of course we know generally what day this happens on or what week in the gestation period something forms). And, unless you're involved in a deathrow inmate situation, you don't get a countdown on your death or the passing of someone close to you.
If we did, though, get a timer on those things, (or other important events such as the moment you fall in love or the moment your marriage will hit a rocky period), would we do things differently? Would we live and love with more urgency, intention? Should we do that anyway? Would we race the clock or just let time take its course? Some people do that now, without a timer. Maybe they have one in their heads that keeps them moving. Maybe that's why we countdown to moments we can control or know, to make up for what we can't, or to develop a mentality that time is always ticking.
Finally, won't it be nice in Heaven when the clock stops and time really starts? No more countdowns, no more timers, no more ticking or beeping or alarm clocks. I don't know what you believe about Heaven or eternity, but it might be the piece of eternity in my heart that makes me long for that peace without end.
But, fortunately for you, this blog has an end. Now.