This is a sad one

Charred corpse

Dumpster

Burned beyond recognition

dental records

 Remains Identified 

 25-year-old woman

No fixed address

criminal record

One-year-old daughter

These words are the eulogy of a life snuffed out far too soon.

Her body was discovered a month before they knew it was her. Her life was stolen from her for many years before she died.

Resilient--as humans tend to be--she survived poverty, divorce, abandonment, foster care, abuse upon abuse, addiction, homelessness and a system that all but forgot her.

She had a baby girl who changed my life.

 (She was once a baby girl, too...)

Her laugh was precious, a treasure shining through cracks of a broken life.

She was sweet, so eager to please, so willing to learn, so impressionable.

Maybe too impressionable.

She was taken advantage of. She abused her own body because so many others had.

She made wrong choices, but who among us doesn't.

She saw a chance for new life in her baby girl's eyes.

She told me of her dreams of getting better, moving home, getting married, having more babies. A little brother maybe for the baby girl.

Suddenly, because she had a child, the system was interested in her well-being. And for the first time, it actually helped her.

But the system cannot give deliverance. The system cannot give healing. The system cannot make new.

Only One can.

I hope with every bit of my broken heart that she met Him before she left.

I took her to church, prayed for and with her, told her that God could help her, that He loved her.

I hoped for a permanent change in her life. She wanted it so badly, was so determined, so in love.

Now her ashes lie in a cold case. Her name strewn about, tied to a mug shot that hides such neglected beauty.

My tears are hot and bitter, burning my cheeks.

My stomach is a mess of knots.

My baby girl smiles at me. 

(She's used to seeing me cry.)

How could they? How could her parents not do everything in their power to protect her? How do you bring a life into the world and abandon it? How do you steal someone's innocence? How do you supply drugs and alcohol to someone's baby girl? How do you put someone's body in a dumpster and set it on fire?

In the place of judgement,

Wickedness was there;

And in the place of righteousness, 

Iniquity was there.

(Ecc 3:16)

And worse, the questions burning in my heart!

Why didn't I call her more often? Why didn't I insist more persuasively that she come stay with me? Why didn't I answer the phone when I saw it was her? Why was I too tired or busy to watch her baby, to deal with her? What words (Words?) could I have said to help her choose to stay in rehab and off the streets?

No.

I know it's not my fault. Not directly. I could've done all of the above and the outcome might not have changed.

But yes.

Yes, in the sense that I have lived willfully ignorant of the person behind that mug shot. She is on the news in every city. Her deaths unsolved, unimportant. She lives and works on streets all over the world, even mine. I drive by or change the channel and think how blessed I am.

I hope her baby girl will someday know how much her mommy loved her. How much she was wanted. I hope she will know how much God loves her.

This, I know I can help with. This story, I will tell her.

I hope my baby girl will someday know how much God loves that person behind the mug shot, that woman of no fixed address. I pray she will never hesitate to reach out in love to those around her.

This, too, I know I will have a hand in. Because my baby girl will only know it if she sees me live it out. And that's what I will do.

Rest in peace, my friend. You changed my life, and I will never forget yours.

(To read more about Baby F and her mom, E, you can either go to the 2010 Archives and read February's blogs, or go to the Label section and click on "Baby F." She is currently in the custody of her mom's cousin, and has been for the better part of the year. She is in very good hands and we hope she stays there for a long time to come.)

(Tomorrow's blog is much, much cheerier!)

Joy Bombardment

10 days left and 55 more Joys. Buckle your seatbelts. Here we go!

45) I found this cartoon to go along with my blog about cartoon bears and toilet paper:

46) Gifts to be given to a sibling group of 3 currently in foster care. There is joy certainly in giving, but this giving was made possible because a friend of mine got her dream job working for the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute. 

47) Remember Joy 26? (hint, it was a trip to IKEA with a new friend) While we were having lunch in the cafeteria, this little bird paid us a visit. Normally, an animal fluttering around where one eats (inside) is not a good thing, but this little one was quite delightful (though it didn't sit still long enough for a good picture).

48) Cookie Brownie Bars. Must have been invented by a pregnant woman. 

49) My husband doing what he loves, working on his Jeep.

50) We went to visit our first foster baby, Baby F. She is 10 1/2 months old, and is doing so well!! She's speed crawling, pulling up, has two bottom teeth, can high-five and has the sweetest, sunniest personality. She came to me right away and warmed up to John in about 5 seconds. She's currently with her older cousin (coincidentally named Joy?) while her mommy, E, is struggling to get her act together.

51) This weekend has been a tough one for my family in Oklahoma. On Friday night, my 3-yr-old nephew Solomon, was admitted to the hospital because he was having difficulty breathing and a rash, among other symptoms. Since then, they have diagnosed him with Toxic Shock Syndrome due to the spread of a strep or staph infection into his blood. For the past few days, he has been on a ventilator and heavy sedation to help him breathe and sleep. Why is this a joy? I have loved seeing the online and IRL community come around my family in their time of need. I can't be there in person, but knowing they are well taken care of and have people all over the world praying for them gives me joy. (You can be sure of another joy reported when he goes home all better!)

52) This picture represents answered prayers (No and Yes). I have to be vague about the specifics for now, but I'll try to explain. We had an idea about the way something should be. We prayed about it. A few months later (last week), the situation where that thing could be presented itself. I jumped on it. It seemed rightish, but needed more prayer. Within only two days, a better Yes appeared and we all felt peace about the No regarding my idea. God supplied the answer to a need for three of our friends and I know He will for us, too!

Baby Love

Today I got some unexpected surprises, both welcome of course!

This morning after eating my first breakfast of cereal at around 6 (John's alarm woke me up, so what was I supposed to do?), I tried to go back to sleep, but Blueberry had other ideas.

I've been feeling flutterings and twitches for about two weeks now, but nothing I could feel from the outside. This morning, there it was. My hand bounced off my belly! I think the kid was doing somersaults, because it was this long, slow motion, definitely not gas bubbles! I texted John who was out walking Mocha and he ran back in, but Blueberry was on break. Sure enough, as soon as he was out the door, s/he started it up again.

I wish there was a way for me to capture what that feels like for John. I know you other women who have carried babies understand. I can't take any type of recording or impression of it. All I have are words, which are very failing.

Finally. Finally, after months of knowing there's a baby in there, even hearing a heartbeat and seeing the pictures, I don't need any machine to tell me I'm having a baby. The scale and my clothes have been hinting at it, but now I really know it. Simply amazing.

Ok, moving on to the next fun thing.

Baby F's mom called me yesterday and asked if I could watch her today. Her regular daycare provider had the flu, so of course I was excited to hang out with her. For my newer readers, Baby F was our first foster care placement back in February and we had her for the first month of her life. Here she is when we got her:

(2 days old)

Here she is today with her new best friend, Mocha:

(7 months old)

That girl is crawling and trying to stand up! She's eating baby food. She was totally fearless around Mocha and the adoration was mutual.

We also went to visit our good friends, Bre and Seth, who we were in a Beth Moore study with earlier this year. Here are the kids in February:

And here they are today:

And finally, here's one of me with the little lady. 

(Yeah, it's my "i'm holding a kid" picture smile. I hope I learn to smile naturally by the time Blueberry makes a debut!)

Happy Thursday

We got a wonderful little surprise last night. Baby F's mom called and asked if we could watch her for a few hours so she could get some sleep and some things done around the house. Apparently Baby F has not been a good sleeper lately and her poor mama was worn out.

We were more than happy to do it!

As most kids do, our little ladybug is growing and thriving. She's almost 3 months old now! What was once a gassy or sleepy grin has turned into full fledged smiles and addicting giggles.

So I can't think of a better way to kick off what I hope is "Friday" for most of you or just Thursday, than to share some of the love!

(For those of you a little late to the party, we fostered Baby F for the first  month of her life. You can read all about it in my Feb blogs.)

Grace for Today (and sleep for tonight)

On the third day we had Baby F, I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotions.

I couldn't stop crying. Every time I picked her up, I burst into tears. Poor baby. I had flashbacks to when I started dating John.

(that doesn't sound right, but keep reading!)

Our entire relationship was long-distance until about 2 months before our wedding, so our times together seemed to be on a constant countdown to saying goodbye. I was constantly sobbing into his chest "I-hi-m no-ha-t a cri-hi-er-er-er!"("I'm not a crier" for those of you who don't speak Bawling). I'm really blessed that he actually married me, come to think of it.

With Baby F, I was back in that countdown zone. On Day 3 I was thinking about saying goodbye to her and couldn't handle it. So, I did what any grad-school educated military officer in her thirties would do.

I called my mommy.

Good thing she speaks Bawling, because a half-hour and half a box of tissue later, she was able to get a word in.

In essence, she told me, "God will give you the grace you need to go through that day. Today is not that day, so you don't have that grace. Quit trying to live in it. He has given you the grace you need for today, and that grace is to love Baby F with all your heart and give her your all. When it comes time to say goodbye, you'll be able to."

They should have an Oscar for moms, and my mom should get it. I have carried her words in my heart every day since. They echo what Jesus told his disciples in Mark 6:34:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Check it out in The Message:
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

I think my mom must have been reading the Bible or something. Am I ever glad she does!&

So with that and the words from the Lord's Prayer, "Give us this day our daily bread," I woke up today knowing that God would give me what I needed to get through taking Baby F home.

This morning I went into task-oriented mode, sorting through piles of clothes, doing laundry, packing her things, trying to cherish our last feeding and diaper changing before it was time to go, and trying to reassure my dog that she'd be my only baby soon. Before I knew it, we were in the car and on our way.

My wonderful pastors, Bill and Lisa Shuler, agreed to meet me at E's house, so I wouldn't be alone. I know John would've been there if he could but a small thing like the Atlantic Ocean got in the way, so the Shulers filled in.

I spent about 30 minutes with E, showing her how to mix the formula, going over Baby F's schedule and giving her some words of encouragement. She told me I could take Baby F to a birthday party with some of her new baby friends this weekend, which is a good sign to me that she really does intend to keep in touch. Then we prayed over them, hugged and went on our way.

I felt good. Calm. Peaceful. Happy. I felt God's pleasure for me and hope for what is to come. So, if that's what you were praying for me, thanks. Keep it up!

And the rest of today has been just the same. I did have a miniscule second of freak-out when I glanced at the car seat and couldn't remember buckling her in and then remembered she wasn't there.

I'd love to know how E did the rest of the day. Getting to know her baby, deciphering her cries and squeaks, learning that she really does need to have the clean diaper ready to go when she moves the dirty one. I'm sure she did great.

And now I get to sleep through the whole night! Can I hear an AMEN!?

This one is for the Moms

Hi everyone. I know what you're thinking.

"Shouldn't you be doing something with Baby F, since she is going home tomorrow and you need to soak up every last minute you have with her?"

So I want you to know that she is helping me write this blog. She is doing that by sleeping quietly so I can write, and that is helping.

I have been so amazed and grateful at the outpouring of support for us as we've jumped on the foster care wagon. Not only have friends brought by all the supplies we've needed, we've received meals, free baby sitting and plenty of oohs and aahs over the cuteness of the baby, which we had nothing to do with, but enjoy the compliments just the same.

I've also enjoyed getting more readers and feedback for my writing. I'm not gonna lie, it's nice to get compliments on your writing when you want to be a writer.

But there are a few things that some have said that I don't want to leave unaddressed. I seem to get it mostly from mothers, so this is for you. I hope it helps.

When you think about Baby F going home, I think you imagine what it would be like to give up your baby, the one you carried for 9 months, bought clothes for, dreamed of names for, felt kick and hickup and tried to guess the personality of. You think of spending those first mind-numbingly exhausted but elated hours, connecting with the tiny babe, feeling the fingers curl tightly around yours and marveling at the perfection of toes and ears. And then you think about handing that part of your heart over to someone else, and it's really quite unbearable for you. And this is probably about right.

But it's not what I'm going to go through.

I think you're actually empathizing more with E than you know.

On Feb 2, E's life changed with the arrival of the baby girl she had been told was a boy. She held Baby F in her arms and felt like she had been given a second chance. She could keep this one, raise her right, give her everything she needed, everything she never had. Then, that dream was shattered. Yes, it was a consequence of her own bad decisions, but it was a reality she had never prepared for. Her baby girl was taken from her arms and handed over to someone else.

Tomorrow, her dreams get reset. For the first time in 27 days, she gets to be completely in charge of her own baby. She gets to pick out her outfits, she gets to rock her to sleep, she gets to take pictures for hours if she wants. She doesn't have to worry about next time she can see her baby. She doesn't have to steal kisses as her heart gets toted off in someone else's car.

For us, what's going to happen is not shattering or dream-quenching. This reunification is exactly what we've been hoping and praying for from the moment we knew of Baby F. Yes, I love her and am attached to her and would do anything for her, and for that very reason I am going to put on my big girl panties and live that moment with joy. I am going to put this baby in her arms, pray over her, hug her and leave with my heart full, knowing God used me in all my imperfections and selfishness.

God thinks my tears are precious, so I'm not going to be ashamed of crying, but I'm not crying for the same reason E has for the past month. The reason that any of you mothers would. It's going to be hard, but it's a hard that we signed up for, one that E didn't.

So, like I said in my FB status- don't be sad for me. Rejoice and celebrate this homecoming with me. This is the whole point and I for sure am not going to miss it over a pity party!

(PS- please also don't be upset or worried if I don't answer the phone. I know you love and care for me and want to make sure I'm ok. I just don't think I'm up for saying the same thing 400 times a day! Does that make sense? Don't be mad, ok? :-))

Storm Clouds on the Horizon

(Cue the theme music: du, du, duh!)

What kind of crazy, out of their minds people get into a boat when they know a storm is on the horizon? And not only get into it, but actually set sail and intentionally set course for the middle of the storm?

Well, me and John, actually.

So here it comes. The moment we have been praying about and I've been writing about, trying to encourage my readers to join me in the pure desire to see Baby F and E restored as a family the way God intended. I don't know the exact time, but it looks like she'll go home this week.

And even though I am so, so excited that a mommy will get to know her baby, will get to kiss the ever-pudging cheeks that get cuter every minute, will get to soothe her cries and learn her favorite cuddling positions, my heart is also breaking.

I am so blessed that my relationship with E gets better every time we talk. Tonight she called to tell me about a movie she saw this weekend (the same one John and I went on a date to see, coincidentally?), to ask about Baby F's feeding/sleeping schedule and to ask if she can come to church with us (!!!). She offered her compassion to me, expressing how hard she knew it would be for us to say goodbye to Baby F and to reassure me that we could see her whenever we wanted to. I mean, who gets a birth mom like her?

God's hand has been with us through every step of this process. I know He will be with me this week. On that day when I send this baby home where she belongs, and come back to a house smelling of formula and baby wipes, with mounds of pink clothes and burp cloths to pack up, He will be there. On those nights when I wake up every 3 hours listening for a cry that's probably going to be coming from me, He will be there.

I am NOT looking forward to this storm. But if I've learned anything from the Gospels' stories of storms and Jesus, it's this:

He's in the boat with me.
He's in control. Of everything.
He hears my cries.
He'll save me from my fear and doubt.
And people will be amazed watching Him work this situation out for His glory.

If you feel you're in the boat with us, or in a boat of your own, let's hold on tight. We'll make it through this together.

(PS- thanks in advance for your prayers this week, I need every one of them!)

Five for Friday

Today I decided to be like my friend The Toddler Whisperer and do a Five for Friday list. These are the five things I think every foster mom for newborns should have. My list might be different in a week or so, but this is as of today, with all of my three weeks of experience.

In no particular order:

This chair, brought over by a friend has been a lifesaver. It's the only place Baby F will sleep other than in our arms. (or the carseat in the moving car)

We got several of these Kiddopotamus wraps in the bags of donated clothes from our mom friends. They work like sleeping pills for Baby F. (not that we'd know how sleeping pills would work on her...)

Soothies! Modeled by our very own Baby F (wearing the oh-so-stylish cap her friend Katy brought her). If the baby had a mute button, this would be it. God bless you, soothie inventor!

We don't have a changing table, per se, but with a couple of these in every room and in the diaper bag, I can turn any surface into a changing surface. They are so soft, the aforementioned Katy likes to steal borrow them as blankets. And they are definitely waterproof as advertised!

And finally, no new mom's (foster or otherwise) collection would be complete without:

 

What other things should be on my list? I know you can't post pictures in the comments, but send me links! Hook a sista up!

Courtside seats

Today I took Baby F to go be with her mom at her court hearing. I wasn't sure what the hearing was for exactly, but knew that some jail time for E was a possible result. I went because I was very curious about the process and also because I wanted to show my support for E and for her to get to be with her baby in case the jail time was immediate.

Like most things governmental, it was hurry up and wait. Well, mostly just waiting. After about an hour of us waiting outside the court room, her court-appointed attorney came out and pulled her aside and chatted with her some. She told us it was about the deal he was going to propose to the prosecutor. Then, about 30 minutes later, he came out, went over some legalese with her, then took her into the court room. They came out a few minutes later and disappeared around a corner as she mouthed something about a blood test. Then I had to leave to go to another appointment.

I was a little disappointed, because I didn't get to go in and find out what the outcome was. I think she's going to do some jail time over the next 3 weekends, but I'm still not really sure what for. I guess it's none of my business.

I'm proud of her for owning up to her mistakes and taking responsibility. I'm sad that she will have this on her record. I know how society looks at people who have criminal records, because I am part of that society. I wish I had spent more time in my life around people like this. I think I would have more compassion. I am getting it now, but the raw humanity of these people smacked me in the face today, and it wasn't pleasant.

People-watching outside this court room was not nearly as fun as people-watching at a mall or airport. These people aren't getting what they want and they're not going anywhere good. They were mostly minorities, wearing desperate faces, every shoulder tensed and every brow furrowed.

I tried to bury my face in the book I'm reading about a guy who made a difference somewhere else in the world (Stones Into Schools, the follow up to Three Cups of Tea- very, very good!), but I couldn't escape the screech-like desire to get out of there.

People are giving us alot of praise and adulation for doing this foster care thing, and I probably would do the same if it was someone else. But, the truth is, we are just a tiny link in the chain. I'm not minimizing the effect we're having on Baby F and E, but there are people who are out there all day long working in the trenches for thousands of people like them. Social workers, police officers, guidance counselors, therapists, court appointed attorneys, court appointed special advocates, and so on and so on. We've got nothing on them. And I am so proud of those of you, my friends, who are in these types of careers.

Thank you.

Though my relatively short experience in my courtside seat left me with a bitter taste in my throat, it was good for me. It was what I needed to snap out of this fluffy-pink induced haze I get into cuddling with Baby F on my comfy couch in my warm, well-decorated home.

If I don't have the stomach to be around people exactly as they are and love and accept them as such, I don't have the heart to help them get someplace better.

Ok- tomorrow I'm going to write something fun or funny, cause this one was depressing, but it's just another part of the journey we're on. Thanks for coming along.

Baby Mamma

I spelled it that way so you don't get confused with the awesome movie my two pretend BFFs made in 2008. And so you don't think this blog is about surrogacy or juice shops.

I want to tell you a little bit about Baby F's mommy, E. The thing I have to be sensitive to here is that I hope that I get to be friends with her for a long time and someday she might read this blog, and I want to honor her in what I say. Maybe someday, I'll get to help her tell her whole story.

For now, I'll tell you this. She is a sweet girl (she's 24, but I can call her girl because I'm soooo much older) and really loves her baby. She wants to be the best mom she can and is making all the right decisions so far. We got so lucky/blessed having her as our first birth mom in our foster care journey. The children you can kind of prepare for, but the parents are a different story.

In the time I've gotten to spend with E -- two doctor's appointments, two visitations and one church mom's group-- I've so enjoyed getting to know her and hearing her open up about her life.

She is the oldest of 5 daughters her mom had by several different men. She spent a year in foster care as a child and unfortunately had a terrible, heartbreaking experience. She came to this area to get over the difficult breakup she had with her first baby's daddy (the baby stays w/ him), only to fall into a crowd that influenced her in very negative ways, leading to the bad decisions that led to Baby F being placed with us.

She is proud to say that Baby F has changed, even saved her life. She said that when she first held her, she decided she was going to turn her life around and make a better life for her baby. I think that if she had never had Baby F, or if CPS hadn't gotten involved when they did, she would've fallen through the cracks of society and never had a chance. Now she has people helping her get into programs, like WIC, food stamps, Section 8 housing, etc., that give her this chance. She has people like her CPS workers, her cousin who practically raised her, and us to encourage and help her make good decisions. Best of all--and this is nothing new, but perhaps new to her--she has a God who is crazy about her and has good plans for her and Baby F.

She is working on taking a test to get her GED. She is spending her days applying for jobs or at the library. She has completely cut off all connections with bad-influencing friends. She is thinking about and planning for Baby F's future.

She is experimenting with different colors of blonde for her hair, but I'm encouraging her to go back to her natural brown to match her daughter's. She loves jewelry and painting her nails bright colors. She looks amazing for having had a baby 3 weeks ago.

She soaks in every inch of her baby's skin, delights in every squeak and squeezes every moment she has with her to the last drop. Just as any mother should.

I know this is just skimming the surface, but I hope you get a picture (even without a face to go with it) of the kind of person on the other side of foster care. Though the news can't help but publicize parents-gone-wrong, she represents the best of what the system can do. Sometimes a child ends up in foster care, not because their parents want to hurt them, but because they aren't equipped to care for them. Many parents are like E. They embrace the help available to them and get to take their children home. They might not be perfect parents (but who is?), but they are better parents, and that's all we can ask.

We're blessed to be a part of E's story now. We're determined to see her succeed. We're excited to see her break free from her past and start a new chapter.

So, as excited as many of our friends and family are for us to have a sweet, pink, tiny human in our arms, I hope they (you) will be as excited for E to have her permanently in hers.

Oh- I just can't leave you without this amazing picture from our visitation today. I think Baby F was trying to show off for her mommy. 3 weeks old, this one! She just keeps getting more amazing!

Intro to ICLW

This is going to be a little weird. It's International Comment Leaving Week, which is where a bunch of bloggers leave comments for each other the last week of every month. Most of the topics on these blogs involve something to do with infertility, but there are various topics. So, I signed up to get more readers and to offer a fresh perspective on the whole thing, because, let's face it, I'm pretty unique.

So, not only can my 653 Facebook "friends" read this posted as a note, but also my IRL friends and new readers finding me through ICLW. How to tell this story to all these audiences and maintain a decent level of privacy and not make people uncomfortable around me..... Let's see.

I'm a 32-year-old Jesus-loving Air Force Reservist. I've been married to my wonderful John for 4.5 years and we've been TTC (trying to conceive) for 3 of them. I don't have a dramatic story as far as that is concerned. In May 08 we both went through IF (infertility) screening and my ob/gyn indicated there was something a little off in both of us, but that we'd need more testing which our insurance doesn't cover. So we went through one round of Clomid (a popular fertility drug) with no result, and haven't felt led to do anything else medically yet. Then, in Nov 09, after a few other dr's appointments we found out that there's nothing wrong with either of us, and sometimes these things just don't happen (or they do. whatever.).

You can read more about how we feel about the waiting process here.

Meanwhile, in Dec 08, we decided to pursue foster care as a way to "give out of our need" and help other families while we waited for our own. We started the classes in Jan 09 and after procrastinating getting our paperwork turned in, our homestudy was approved Aug 09. I blogged about this here.

Bringing us all up to speed, we got our first placement on Feb 4, and you can read about the lovely Baby F and her mom here, here, and here, then she's mentioned in pretty much every other blog since.

There's alot more to me than IF and foster care, but that's probably what brought most ICLW readers over, so I'll be blogging about Baby F and the foster care process for the rest of this week. I hope to keep it interesting enough to keep you coming back.

PS: I call her Baby F online because she is not our baby and it's not my call to make to put her name with her pictures. I know some parents who refer to their own children that way and I think it's a great idea. She does have a lovely name that starts with F that means happiness or good fortune, so you can figure it out if you want!

How not to meet a celebrity

You know how some people need help picking out clothes, or knowing what they want to do with their lives, so they hire personal shoppers or life coaches? Me, I probably need both of those, but most of all I need help interacting with famous people.

Part of my problem is that I have a high capacity for considering someone famous. Like some of my friends who are bloggers and have more than 21 followers (that's how many I have), I consider them famous. My friend Alece has 231 followers. I've known her since I was 14, but I still get all giddy when she comes to town and hangs out with me.

I used to be kindof obsessed with being famous. I even wrote a song once about how I was going to be famous someday. That was back in college when I was in an awesome band called Sunday Comics.

(we have a fan page on Facebook, so you can go check out our awesome music, including "Famous Someday." Ooh, I just saw that we have 21 fans, which is approximately 11 more fans than people who bought our CD. We're on our way, baby!  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sunday-Comics/14596327698?ref=ts)


One of the girls in that band, Jessica (Canning) Means, has songs on iTunes and her music has been in movies, so she's for real famous. Good thing she was one of my bridesmaids, so usually I can keep my "cool" around her. (yes, my cool is such that it needs "" around it. if you know me, you know this is true)

But most of the time, I cannot keep my "cool" and I turn into squeaky tongue-tied teeny bopper. One of my brothers used to be in a band and they were so famous they had CDs AND T-shirts, and even though I grew up with the guy, I was still all fan-ish at his concerts. My other brother works for a real band and he's close enough to being famous himself that when he calls me I get all excited. (Well, that's probably more because I love him, but still...)

Today I proved yet again that I need a S.C.A.C.C. (staying calm around celebrities coach).

John and I went to a concert where Melinda Doolittle was performing with the U.S. Air Force Band. Melinda was a finalist in Season 6 of American Idol, and I went to high school with her. She was a junior and I was a senior. I hung out mostly with juniors since they were only one year older than me, whereas most of the seniors were two years older, which in high school makes a big difference. (I was a 15-16yr old senior. Yeah, be impressed.) I got to know her through various Christian club activities, choir activities (she was in the better choir obviously, but we performed together sometimes) and musical theater. She was in my lunch group of friends. A group that nicknamed me Anna Banana (original, I know) and actually got me a stuffed banana as a going-away gift and signed it. I think they were making fun of how I once asked Kevin Smith (Kevin Max) from DC Talk to sign a banana he was eating, then showed the banana to everyone I knew. I needed help even back then.

Here are some pictures to prove my connection with Melinda.

(Our Christian club was so big, we couldn't all fit in the same picture. It was Tulsa, after all.)

(Her signature on the banana and picture of her in our yearbook)

One of my neighbors is in the USAF band, and I had asked him if he could hook us up to "meet" Melinda. He arranged it, so after the concert-- which was excellent and you should go buy her new CD-- we went back stage and waited outside her dressing room. While we waited, Baby F stole the show and even almost got stolen by one of the amazing Air Force vocalists, MSgt Shani Prewitt. 

(look at Baby F's double chin! she's chunking up, she is!)

Finally, the door opens and right there is none other than Melinda Doolittle herself!!! I was totally expecting a manager or some lackey, but nope, she opened it herself. 

Then, I threw myself in her arms.

No lie. 

I gave her a big hug while simultaneously saying "HiMelinda,I'mAnnaandIwenttohighschoolwithyou!"

She graciously smiled and said, "Oh yes, Anna. I thought you looked familiar." Which was nice of her to say because I clearly look nothing like this:

(yeah, that's where the Andie MacDowell comparisons come from)

So after I fumbled through telling her how awesome she is and how much I thought she was awesome and stuff like that, her manager came in and said to her "Do you know a girl named blahblahblah? She said she went to high school with you and she's here," and started to lead her away. 

Everyone looked at me like I should know this girl, too, but I didn't. So I think it's code for "It's time for you to escape crazy fans." 

But I really did go to high school with her! (I should've brought the banana to prove it!)

We did manage to take a picture with her, so, mission accomplished.

Melinda, if you ever read this, please know Baby F and I think you're awesome!

(A special welcome to any new readers from ICWL. Thanks for coming by!)

What have I done?

I know we usually ask this question of ourselves when we do something wrong or something we think we will regret. I'm just using it because of the shock value to lure you into reading my blog about what I did today.

I have so many thoughts about what I want to blog about. Most of them are deep, make-you-cry kind of thoughts, so I'm gonna save them for later because this is a happy day. Why?

Because I woke up breathing, for one. And the sky was BLUE!!! And the sun was out!! And Baby F slept and ate like a champ all day, proving, once again, she is the world's best baby (good job, E!).

Well, other than that, it was fun because I made banana bread and cookies, caught up on Parks and Recreation, dug out my car, then went shopping to finish up the New Moms Baskets I am putting together as part of the Women's Ministry of our church. I've been working on these for several weeks now, but had to kick it into high gear now that it's February. Have I mentioned that we have 12 babies coming between now and September? Well, three of them are here, with two more coming in the next two weeks!! The snow and getting my own little baby delayed me for a week or so, but I'm good now.

(I know you might think there is something in the water, but I am drinking all the water I can and it's not working. What? Oh, it's not literally in the water? Note to self: go with plan b)

Baby F went shopping with me and completely slept through three stores. Definitely a natural shopper, this one.

I debated putting up a picture of the baskets because my blog is so popular, one of the moms is just sure to see it and then know what she's getting. I'll just count on that foggy mommy brain to block all memories of this posting. And really, you can't see everything that's in it, just that it looks fun and bursting with blessings.

I got this one done just in time to take it and a meal over to new parents Andrew and Morgan. They welcomed JL into their family one week ago, so we took Baby F over to meet him. He's three days younger than she is, but that didn't stop her from flirting. Such a tease, this one.

Then I did a little bit of blog lurking and found this thing called International Leave a Comment Week. Have you heard of it? There's a purple icon with a little dog on the left side of my blog (not on Facebook, only on my real blog) where you can find out more. I entered Anna's Joy on a list of other blogs with infertility/baby/family related issues, where for one week every month the people who sign up  leave at least 5 comments every day on the other blogs on the list. This month it's Feb 21-28. I think my blog will stand out because of our foster care experience and because I am such an excellent (and humble) writer. I already checked out a few of the other blogs on the list and look forward to reading about some other families journeys.

So, that's alot to do in one day, I think. How 'bout you? How was your day?

Shots to the heart

Shots, like pictures. Get it?

and one more, just for fun...

THIS IS NOT A REAL BABY!!! DON'T CALL CPS!!

The Baby F Files- Part Two

A few disclaimers:

Sorry for all the blogs in one day. I'm not trying to hog the blogosphere or anything, or bore you with every tiny detail probably common to all new babies. I'm just trying to write this all down while its fresh, because apparently I'm going to be sleep deprived soon.

Also, thank you for all the encouragement and thinking we are awesome for being foster parents. Please know that if you are a parent taking care of your child, I stand in awe of you. You are a guardian of life, a true super hero. I want to be like you someday soon!

Ok, now on with the Baby F story. (Preface, Chapter One)

Last night (Thursday) was our first night with her. We followed a pretty simple schedule of feeding her 2oz of formula every four hours (as instructed by the CPS worker), changing her when the little stripe on her diapers turned green and holding her to our and her heart's content.

Other than that, it was a surprisingly normal night. We made an oven pizza, John fell asleep on the couch while I watched TV. Then we went to bed. With a little baby in tow. So that wasn't very normal.

She fussed a little bit, and there was a time when she and Mocha were doing a duet. Mocha, by the way, is far more interested in the baby bottles and diapers than she is in the baby. Which I guess is a good thing, as long as we keep all of them out of reach! But, for the most part, she slept like a champ.

The big event today was her first doctor's appointment and our first meeting with E, her mommy. Our entourage probably made a strange sight in the pediatrician's office. 4 adults; 3 women, 1 man. One tiny baby.

I was so happy to see how excited E was to see and hold Baby F. The whole time (about 2 1/2 hours), she held her and kissed her and cooed to her as much as she could. She was visibly exhausted, emotionally and physically, and as much as I wanted to give her a hug and tell her everything was going to be ok, I just let her enjoy the time with her baby. There will probably be time for that later.

As the 5 of us sat in the exam room waiting for the doc, we discussed the visitation schedule for next week. We'll start meeting twice a week at a government services center nearby, with us, either or both of the birth parents and a CPS worker. I guess based on how those go and how well they're doing with the plan, we can meet more frequently, then even have them over to our house.

Baby F is doing great. She is a little yellow, but nothing the doc was concerned about. She was 6lbs at birth, then down to 5lb8oz at discharge, then 5lb10oz at the appointment. I was so proud of us for helping her gain those 2oz. I'm really passionate about helping turn her into a little chunk. I hope to see some rolls on those scrawny legs before she goes home. (I'm sure I'm gonna get all sorts of comments from moms saying how babies don't turn chunky in a month, but a girl's gotta dream, ok!)

Overall, it was a very encouraging visit. We're treating our little lady guest just as we should, the only recommendation from the doc was to go three hours between feedings. Most of all, seeing E's resolve to get better and have Baby F go home with her did our hearts well. We took some pictures of them together, which I'm gonna frame for her and give at our visit next week.

The rest of today has been quiet and routine, watching the snow fall and washing the baby clothes, talking to friends, and gathering a true plethora of advice.

Thanks again for your prayers and well-wishes. I am blessed to have family and friends near and on-line to walk through this with us!

(my camera battery is dead. I'll post more pics tomorrow)

The Baby F Files- Part One

Wednesday, Feb 3, 3:30pm: Sandy, from Family Services, calls to see if we are available for a newborn placement. She doesn't have any details, except that the baby was born the day before and looks like she will be released from the hospital on Friday. I say, yes!, we are available.

5:30pm: Cathy, from Family Services, calls to give us more details. Baby F's mom didn't get prenatal care, so they are observing baby to make sure she's ok, so far so good, and on track for a Friday release. She explained the logistics of a "non-custodial respite" situation, which they were trying to arrange. Basically, the baby is still in the custody of her parents, but we will care for her for up to 30 days to give the parents and the county time to put a plan together for her to go home. This is a best-case scenario where the parents are willing and mostly capable to parent, but need a little more help. If, after 30 days, the plan needs more time, the county takes the baby into their custody (she remains with us) and the parents continue to work on the plan. Giving the parents the option of a non-custodial respite gives them confidence in themselves and the system that nobody is trying to take away their baby and that they are going to get the help they need. We'll learn more tomorrow.

We can't really call or tell anyone at this point because it is so uncertain. We've been in a similar place before and the baby ended up going to his grandma- a great solution! I do call one friend who has a baby car seat and bassinet to see if she's available for me to come get them on Thursday.


Thursday, Feb 4, 11:30am: Cathy calls, says Baby F is showing some concerning symptoms and she'll be staying at the hospital until Monday. She says she's 95% confident we will get her, but there's always some chance a random aunt or grandma will turn up. At this point the only family member the mother called hung up on her.

1pm: I am at my friends house for lunch. Friends who just happen to have twin girls about to turn one. I ask them if I can borrow some newborn items and they start loading me up with clothes, blankets, equipment and advice.

2pm: I realize my phone has been going off. 4 missed calls from Cathy and John. Turns out Baby F is doing might fine and they are releasing her today. Can they drop her off around 4:30? Oh yes of course! Friends load nursery starter set into my car. I race to other friend's to get bassinet and car seat and she also loads me up with clothes and gear.

In the midst of this, DC is preparing for "snowpocalypse" and I have no time to go to the grocery store. Hero husband leaves work early and heads to store to buy things like Simulac and Dreft, as well as bread and milk (like everyone else in the world!).

4pm: Cathy calls, says CPS worker is going to go get dinner before getting the baby, so she'll be late. Fine with me as I'm still racing to get car unloaded and stairs vacuumed (somehow, that's very important right now!).

5pm: Groceries put away. Kitchen clean. Dog safely tucked in John's man cave. We pray and talk about how we should best communicate with each other when we are getting overwhelmed about this. (Can I just say how much I love my husband and how grateful I am for our friendship/marriage?)

5:30pm: CPS worker arrives with Baby F. She brings a bag of clothes and gear donated by a local charity, and some diapers and formula from the hospital. She has us sign some paperwork, tells us to bring Baby F to a doctor's appointment Friday and is gone by 5:45.

WOW! 

There's a little baby in our house! What in the world?!

To be continued....