I blame you.
Yes, you, the American people. Who I "love so much," and whose "national security" is "so important" that I'm in the military. "hoo-freekin-oah."
What's this about? Oh, you don't even know? Hmph.
Well, I'll tell you (that's kindof the point of this blog). It's the pants.
That's right. The pants we Airman have to wear with our blues uniform. Yeah, the ones you think look so "cute" and make me look so "sharp." They are the most uncomfortable, unflattering, unpractical things this country has come up with. Seriously, people, we're in 100% polyester here! And this is America! You'd think we'd come up with a better fabric to "pay the ultimate price for freedom" in.
I'm back in uniform this week, which I usually love, but these pants have really got something up my crawl. Oh, right, it's the pants up there! For some reason, we must look professional as we fight the "global war on terror"or whatever we're calling it now, so once a week we stuff ourselves into these staticy, lumpy, stinky, high-waisted, unflattering pants. I'm telling you, not even fighter pilots feel good in them!
All this suffering, and I ask you, where is the outrage? You don't see people marching on Capitol Hill demanding comfortable and practical clothes for our troops!!! (that's right, 3 exclamation points!) It'd probably cost you less taxes if you're into that kindof thing.
What's that? Why should you care about my uniform pants? Aren't there greater things in life to focus on? Aren't the rewards of being in the military worth the small price of wearing uncomfortable clothes? Aren't there others in harm's way, wishing they could be home safe in America in any kind of clean pants? Good point.
Cancel the protest.
I get to wear the "Airman battle" uniform and boots tomorrow anyway! :-)