The timing thing

As many others who are/have been faced with infertility, or even those who are in a "waiting" season in their lives will relate, we often hear about "God's timing." Such as "It's all about God's timing," or "everything happens in God's timing," and the favorite, "God's timing is perfect." Even non-religious people use the phrases, minus God.

And while I believe it's a part of the truth, I don't believe it's ALL about timing. I have felt this way long before we got pregnant and feel it even stronger now. It's hard to express in a 30-second conversation or FB comment exchange, so please bear with me as I try to express it here.

Timing is certainly a factor in life experiences, but time as we know it is largely a human convention. The way we keep time in seconds, minutes, hours, etc... is useful, but not necessarily spiritual.  Now, I haven't done an exhaustive, exegetical Biblical study of time, but what I've gathered so far is that God created day and night, set up seasons (which vary from region to region), established feasts and fasts for the nation of Israel, and sketched an outline of things to come in the future. But I don't see an overwhelming fascination with a calendar on God's part.

It would be interesting to study timing as a factor in the well-known infertile couple stories told in the Bible. Though I haven't focused on that element, I am drawn to another factor in the stories which calls to something else in us.

Character development. Or, what kind of people we allow God to shape us into. Timing, to me, suggests a passivity. An "oh well, nothing to do but wait," mentality. But if we are truly trusting in God and seeking His ways, we are not just waiting on His timing. We are active participants in what He is doing now. And for us who are waiting to be parents or waiting for our spouses, what God wants to do now in us is developing our character to be the kind of parents or spouses He wants us to be. Of course we're not going to be perfect parents or spouses when we are blessed with those "others," but if we use the time wisely, we are going to be better equipped than if we did nothing, under the guise of just "waiting."

And what if we never become parents or spouses or whatever it is we hope and pray for? Are we going to squander days full of potential for other purposes because we are more focused on the timing than what God is doing now?

For me, timing is more important in hindsight. It's a piece of the puzzle that adds meaning when viewed with other factors. In foresight, it is largely unknown and not as helpful.

Yes, we need to know that God is in control. Yes, we need to trust Him fully. Yes, there are things we must simply wait for and not try to do in our human strength. But God has given us everything we need (for life and godliness) and we should be good stewards of this (Check out 2 Peter 1: 3-8. I especially like the use of the words "participate" and "possess").

Now it's time for me to turn this over to you. Do you think we'll ever be able to change the phrases from "It's all in God's timing," to "It's all about what God is doing in and with us on a daily basis" or something else more useful? Are there other platitudes that you've heard or used that could use some refining?

If you care, to know.

I want you to know that I’m ok. I’m actually better than ok, I’m doing great. My life overflows with blessings, my future is bright, though mostly unknown. I think one of those future unknowns gives many people cause to pity me or project something on me that I do not feel. So, I wanted to gently place here what I do feel.

This October will mark three years since John and I decided to start trying for children. Three years seems like a long time, and it has felt like a long time, but in perspective, it’s just a breath in the life God has given us. In that time, countless babies have been born to our friends and families, and we have rejoiced in them all. Also in that time, countless people have prayed for us, prophesied over us and confirmed in us the promise of God, and we have been thankful for them all.

I think there’s an inherent tendency for empathy to take form in words more kin to the heart of the giver than the receiver. There is nothing but good intent here, but maybe some understanding will enlighten those who try to speak words of comfort and hope to me and other TTCs (Trying to conceive). Of course, I can’t speak for them, just for me. This is where I am after three years of a winding journey down a narrow road. I’m not at the end yet and thank God, I’m not where I started.

First, know that I am content with what God has given me. I can’t list it all here, but you’ve seen in previous blogs my delight in my friends, my family, my husband and my Savior. God has turned what was mourning in a ‘have not’ to joy in all I have. When I think of His goodness to me, I can’t think of one reason to complain or one more thing to beg for. Even if I never hold a baby of my own in my arms, I will ever lift them in praise to God. This was not an easy statement to come by, but it is the truth.

Next, know that in this season God is making me who He wants me to be. He is changing and shaping my character, and I know when I finally am an awesome Mom, I will be so only because of who God is making me into now. God is also using me just as I am, to be a blessing by serving those around me in ways not possible if I had my own kids. My eyes have been trained to look for these opportunities and my desire is to use time wisely. A lot of well-meaning people say “It’s just a matter of time,” or “it’s all in God’s timing,” which kindof turns Time into a master of sorts and even the bad guy when one is waiting. I say Time in our hands is nothing but the space where we can either choose to let God change and use us, or we can choose to sit passively, or even worse, act out of resentment and ingratitude.

Finally, and I’ll only close here because I don’t want this to be too long, we believe the promises of God. John and I have both had vivid dreams of our children, so real that we know these are just previews from our loving Father. We do not make the mistake of putting our hope in the dreams, only in the Giver of the dreams. Some loving friends have also told us that we just need to “let it go” or “lay it down.” Please believe me when I say we have done both to the deepest extent we can. Some dreams do not go away as urgently as we demand they do. With those stubborn dreams, we can only offer them continually to the Giver. We don’t know how we’ll get the children, whether they’ll have our DNA or simply our last name, but we know God has given us the heart of parents and that heart is too precious to be unused.

Tears may fall from our eyes when people pray over us to have children. These are not tears of sorrow or lack. They are not Hannah’s tears, though we know the taste of those. They are tears of strong desire and faith. More like Jacob’s tears when he kissed Rachel.

From this place, we stand confident and happy. We are so excited when we find out about others having babies, whether they were trying or not! People who really know us should know better than to withhold that good news in order to spare any negative feelings we might have. People who really know us are always welcome to speak into our lives, I just wanted to give you a better picture of where we are.

Thank you for reading this, for trying to understand and for your continued prayers on our behalf. One thing our children will know, as well they know their own names, is that a world-wide community of people prayed over them before they were born. And I think they will be amazing world-changing people because of it!