I'm Proud

I'm proud of my husband. Friday was a tough day for me and he put on his hero cape and made it all better.

By noon, Boy D had managed to push every single one of my buttons by breaking ALL of the few, simple rules we have established for his benefit. Don't go downstairs without an adult, don't open the doors without an adult, don't touch things that aren't yours, we only pee in the potty, and the toilet paper goes in the potty, not the trashcan.

So, you can do the math and figure out why I broke down and decided we needed a leather couch. Between the constant battle with Mocha hair, baby spit-up and little kid "messes", it just was the best option.

John has wanted a leather couch since we got married, so before my tale of woe of the horrible day was over, he was online, finding deals. And what a deal he found!

He found this $750 leather couch for $250 in DC, just a few blocks away from our church. He talked the owner down to $200, rounded up some friends to help move it up and our old couch down, and had our old couch on Craigslist and sold by Sunday night (don't worry, I had it dry cleaned and de-messed)! And sold for $250 no less!

Did I mention the hero cape?

I will also add that I'm pretty proud of myself. On Friday, which was a pretty tough day if I didn't mention that, I actually planned for the week ahead. I knew I'd be going back to work for a 3-week Reserve tour on Tuesday and I'm no good at doing meals while I'm working if I don't plan for it. So, I made a meal plan and a shopping list, went to the local farmers market to buy fresh produce and the grocery store for everything else, and along the way decided to stop and vacuum the car while caring lovingly for a little boy who was pushing all my buttons.

Oh, it doesn't stop there! Between Friday and Sunday, I also prepared 4 meals, including a ratatouille and butternut squash soup I learned how to make in my cooking class. Both turned out delicious! I am so proud!

Maybe I should get my own little hero cape. Hmmm... On second thought, that plus the little horn I'm tooting might be a bit much!

How was your weekend?

PS. As for Boy D, we have a good wonderful friend who is going to come watch him starting tomorrow while I'm at work. His social worker is pretty confident that the paperwork to get him to his aunt's house will be finished by Thursday. If you pray, please pray for no glitches and that this little guy can go be with family soon!

New Chapter

We started going to a new church about 3 months ago and have really been enjoying it. (I started this blog post 3 days ago and this is as far as I got. Not the best at multi-tasking right now!)


Last weekend, the sanctuary was getting worked on, so we had service in the park. Saturday night, a bunch of people from the church decided to camp in the park. We took Boy D, Mocha, a Jeep jammed with supplies and headed out.

We met tons of awesome new people. Well, I guess we're the new people, but still. We had been at our last church for almost 8 years and are still very close with alot of the people there and we love those pastors dearly, so we were praying for good connections and bonding with this new group. Prayers were answered!

It's interesting being the new people, though. And it's really interesting being the new people with a kid that nobody has seen you at church with and yet still looks kindof like you. With the babies, it was pretty obvious they weren't ours, and of course everyone at our last church knew about our "situation." The folks at the new church don't know the "us" who waited for years for a child. They just know the us with a baby on the way and a 5-yr-old foster child.

I loved watching and experiencing this Body embrace us and Boy D (and Mocha). I loved telling about our journey from infertility to foster care to now, loved sharing God's faithfulness and opening the door for hearing others' testimonies. It seemed that every other person had an experience with foster care and adoption, either their parents had done it when they were kids or it was a goal of theirs for their future.

It was sweet, too, watching Boy D taking pride and ownership of Mocha. She had basically adopted him, sleeping outside his door instead of ours and often I will find her cradling him and licking him like he is her puppy. She whines if he gets out of her line of sight too far and when he is upset, she gets anxious. So, at the campground, when the other kids would stop by to pet or admire her, Boy D jumped in to tell them all about her and encourage them to not be scared. I am so glad these two have each other!

Another thing that's been sweet to watch is the relationship with D and John. He thrives under male attention and John is so good at pouring it on. He has D help him with the Jeep and other manly chores and enthusiastically listens to his retelling of Thomas the Train's adventures. Every day. Some have mentioned (rightly so, I think) that they resemble each other.

(I think it's the ears!)

In closing, as challenging as this placement has been for me with the non-stop demands of a 5-yr-old boy and his emotional fragility, I am thankful for this new chapter in our lives. Nothing about our lives now would be as meaningful if it hadn't been for everything that's gone before and I know even now we are being readied for what's up ahead.

No closing question here, you have the night off. Feel free to comment, though!

An (un)invited heartache

Today was a little hard. It was hard for Boy D and it was hard for his parents. It was hard for me, too, but I'm not the point.

Taking care of this little guy has been a whole different set of joys and heartaches. For the past week, the hardest part of the day is bedtime. That's when he starts crying and asking for his mommy and daddy. A few nights ago, I thought it might help him to talk to them at bedtime, but the one night we tried it, it was even worse.

It's hard to hear him cry over a circumstance we can't do anything to make better. It's hard to hear his parents cry over a circumstance they can make better, but not on their own. So, we went back to talking to them after dinner when he's happy.

I took him for the first family visit today, where we met with his mom and dad at the county center. Although they seemed hesitant to talk to me at first, at the end of the visit, it seemed they opened up more. It's hard because they seem so ashamed, and I'm not exactly sure how to help them with that. So, I just kept things positive and raved about their son. We had made them cookies that he decorated and a card with some pictures in it from his week so far. He was very excited to give them these gifts, and they brought some of his clothes and toys and movies from home, so that was all good.

But this good thing came to an end, and they walked him out to my car. When he realized he was going with me and not them (even though we all tried to prepare him for it), he lost it. He was also confused about why they were taking the card and the cookies. For the rest of the day, not 20 minutes went by without him saying he wanted to go home and see his mommy and daddy. It was rough.

As for his future, he has an aunt in a neighboring state who has spent alot of time with him and is ready for him to come stay there. His CPS social worker has inferred that his parents, specifically his mom, have deeper issues than the one he was removed for. So, the plan is for him to go to his aunt as soon as the interstate approval process is done. That could be by the end of this week or next. And for his sake, I hope it's just as soon as possible. He needs to be with his family. We can do alot for him, but we can't replace them.

I promise I'll post a cheerier blog tomorrow with pictures from our weekend. I just felt like sharing this piece of the process, because it's much harder than with either of the babies. They warned us about this in our training, so at least we know what to expect. But nobody trains the kids or the parents for this. It just sucks.

Thanks for listening.

Memory Chain

I don't remember most of my life so far. I have journaled (or written in a diary) for as long as I've known how to write. I take lots of pictures, and though I don't scrapbook, I always intend to, so I keep scraps of everything. One of my best friends remembers almost everything we've done together since 1994, but she gets really bad cell phone reception, so she's not always a great resource. So, most of my minutes and days are lost to my subconscious.

I'm thinking about this because I'm sitting here with a five-year-old boy (D) I didn't know existed before Tuesday at 2pm, pondering how my life got here. Here's what I remember.

I remember the house I lived in as a teenager being a haven for all sorts of our friends. It was probably never clean or stocked with enough food, but my brothers' and sister's and my friends seemed to feel at home there. Holiday meals were crowded with these friends of every background, and after I left for college, my bedroom became the rotating hospitality suite for some of these friends. I remember thinking I wanted to have a home like that when I grew up. A place where everyone would be comfortable with an extra bed or couch always ready for someone who needed it.

I remember hearing about short-term missions for the first time when I was 13. It was a cute boy with floppy hair who had just returned from a trip with Teen Mania to Chile and he talked about how the spaghetti sauce there was more like ketchup and what good friends he had made. Convincing enough for me! I went on my first trip to India the next summer and staying inside the U.S. was never again a permanent option for me. Traveling all over the world and falling in love with people in many cultures and religions gave me a bug for having children of all different colors who I wanted to raise with a global mindset.

I remember many late nights in college, dragging pillows and blankets out into the hallway of the dorms to talk with friends, dreaming of our upcoming summer trips and conspiring for world domination once we graduated. One particular summer, I had the privilege to go to Turkey, a unique trip in every way wonderful. One of the wonderful elements was a team member named Chana who also lived on my floor. We had lots of that hallway dreaming time together. Though we had solid plans to keep in touch after I graduated, we had no inkling of what would become another beautiful part of our friendship.

I remember joining the military to continue my world travels. I remember all the beautiful and mysterious steps leading up to meeting my husband through both my college relationships and my military travels. I remember getting out of the military to start that home and family I had dreamed about with said husband. And I remember that family not starting the way I had planned. Many months passed in which I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, and questioned why I quit my job for what seemed to be nothing.

I remember reading my friend Chana's blog, following her travels with her husband as they served in countries we had dreamed about. I remember her writing honestly about her uneasiness concerning her upcoming trip to China (where her husband was) with her 20-month old and newborn. It was then I knew something I could do. I could help mothers with their children. I sent her one of those "Hi, I know we haven't talked in 10 years, but I read your blog" type of emails and asked if I could travel with them. She said yes, so I did. And spent an awesome 10 days getting reconnected with two very good friends and addicted to Arrested Development, and learning how to soothe a crying newborn. She never lets me forget the difference I made in her life and I'm still trying to convince her it was mutual.

I remember later that summer when my little sister was having her 4th and 5th kids and wondering what I could do to help. Having the China trip fresh in my mind and passport, I knew I could help with her other kids. We eventually had my at-the-time 4 and 6-year-old nephews come stay with us in Virginia for 3 weeks while she adjusted to life with babies. I remember realizing why God usually gives us kids as babies with a generous 9-month lead-in time! I remember the panic when I realized I was responsible for these precious people 24-7 and what in the world was I going to do to keep them busy for 3 weeks! I remember the ache in my heart when they went home and the pillows were back on the couch and the replaceable seat covers had been replaced. John and I decided we wouldn't be too bad as parents after all.

Oh, and that desire to be parents. Still so strong.

I remember even later that year when we heard and followed the call to be foster parents. After all, we had plenty of extra beds for those in need, we wanted to be a place of refuge for people of all backgrounds, we knew the blessing of helping other families, we wanted to eventually adopt and we had very jumponable couch pillows. We based the age range (newborn to 7) we were open to on the age range we knew. The age ranges I knew because of the days spent helping other mothers. Because I had the time because I didn't have a job or a baby of my own.

And now. Two newborns and a rambunctious Thomas-loving 5-year-old piling pillows on the floor later.

I'm a firm believer that God is always preparing us for the next or future season in life by what we are going through now. I believe that we get better preparation when we're focused on this season (see my last blog). I don't believe these things because of what someone told me or something I read in a blog or a book. I believe it because I'm living it. And these are the pieces of life I'm glad I remember!

Care to share your own story about how the steps of your journey have led you to where you are? I'm all ears (after Boy D goes to bed, of course!).