Wednesday, January 12, 2011

End in Sight

In a matter of hours, a 3-plus years dream of having a baby in my arms made from me and John is going to come true. That, and ONLY that is what I've been working towards all day.

At the moment, I'm relaxing in my hospital bed, letting the pitocin, epidural, and the nurses do their job to help make this dream come true. I'm 8 cm, Blueberry is at +1 station (nice and low!), and we are both doing well with our blood pressure and heart rates, thanks to a little Effedrin.

This day has not gone as I had hoped, but the finish line is the same and it is so near! From water breaking at 1:45am to 12 hours of "natural" labor later, I had only dilated 3 cm. We started pitocin at 1:45pm and I gave natural labor my very best for 4 hours. I know 4 hours is a tiny speck in a 3-yr journey, let alone a lifetime, but it felt like eternity. I asked (rather urgently I must admit) for the Epi at 6, and was soon in happy-land!

Now, I thought I would be well prepared for such an arduous task as natural childbirth for several factors: 1) I've run 3 marathons. I can employ a long-term mentality in required situations. 2) I have high pain tolerance. Blame this one on my brothers for toughening me up as a kid. 3) I'm very, VERY stubborn. There is little I won't finish that I start.

However, these factors were not actually in my favor today. 1) Marathons, even for first-timers are a universal distance, with well-established rituals to help you train and perform at the level you are able. And most of all- they are marked with mile-markers! And everyone who has seen the 20-mile marker has exactly the same distance left to go. Not so with childbirth! Every factor here is different for every individual. We all may have the same finish line, but our distances and routes to get there are never the same. 2) The pain of pitocin-induced contractions was far more than I expected, but I truly believe they were still in my threshold of tolerance. What I couldn't do was run without mile-markers. I had been in such pain for the last two hours accepting that it was all for a good cause, but when the report came back that NO progress had been made, John and I knew we had to try something else. 3) Being stubborn here was actually going to be a stumbling block to get to my finish line. I really, really wanted to do this whole thing without drugs. But I want a baby in my arms far more and it was clear that I could not have that by mere stubbornness.

So here we are. So close to meeting our son or daughter, our emotions have the nurses tearing up. We have never lost sight of the true finish line and we have been surrounded all day (and truthfully for the past 3+ years) by the best crowd support a couple could ask for.

Keep cheering my friends! We're almost there.

7 comments:

  1. You can do it! Pit contractions are beastly, I don't blame you for the epidural. (And don't let others bring you down for it either - the first lesson of mothering is to refuse others' guilt-giving!)

    You are strong, you can do this, and you'll be holding Blueberry soon. Give that baby a big Texas kiss for me!

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  2. Oh, and I agree on mile markers. I ran a half last year and they didn't have ANY mile markers. What the heck? How was I supposed to time my miles or at least feel like I was getting anywhere?

    With Susannah, 24 hrs after water breaking and contractions I was at a 4. I got an epidural. It didn't work. They redid it. I was at a 6. I went from 6 to birth in less than an hour and only pushed twice!

    The end goes fast once you hit transition.

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  3. Praying for you!!! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! Do not be anxious about anything but in all things with prayer and supplication, present your requests to God! He is so faithful to walk you through every bit of physical and mental struggle involved. And just like Tamara said, forget what your expectations were, and just love on that baby!

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  4. don't beat yourself up about it. childbirths rarely go as planned. can't wait to hear your birthstory!!

    WV tonight was: countdorm...as in.."it's the final countdorm until we meet who's been rooming inside your body for all these months!"

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  5. Was just praying for you and two things came to mind:

    Psalm 113:9
    He gives childless couples a family,
    gives them joy as the parents of children.
    Hallelujah!

    And I just had this sense that God was going to receive so much glory from this birth and from this child's life.

    Hang in there, hot babe, you're almost there! Or maybe you already are and we don't know it yet!

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  6. Okay, Anna Joy, I realize I am the only one commenting over and over, but I need to do school with the children today. And I keep checking to see that Blueberry is here. It is really putting a damper on my productivity. (Not to mention the times I checked in the middle of the night.)

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  7. I just came here to make the same comment Tamara did...I'm having a hard time concentrating at work because I keep wanting to know about Blueberry!

    Anna, I can't wait to hear more!

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