Who does she look like?

One of the fun (or "fun") things about having a baby is other people's comments about who he or she looks like. We try to see if they look like their mom or dad. There's the inevitable comparisons to grandmas or grandpas or other blood relatives.

What I did not expect is that people who are not related to me think Ayla looks like they did, even to the point of sending me baby pictures to prove it. So, I have a little poll or guessing game for you.

Here are a selection of these comparisons, in no particular order, "Ayla-look-alike?" on the left and Ayla on the right.

Leave me a comment with which letter you think looks the most like her, and then, try to guess which three are NOT related to her by blood. But, here's the deal. My mom and mother-in-law, and brothers and sisters, and the "look-alikes" themselves will know more about who's who than most, so if that's you, please don't give it away for everyone! Maybe just wait until I reveal who's who on Friday.

Until then, happy voting!

Extreme Makeover-Anna edition

You need to understand something about me.

I am not afraid of changing my hair color. My mom let me start coloring my hair before she let me get my ears pierced. She changed hair color like you're supposed to change your oil (and still does), so my siblings and I did the same.

That said, one color I had never tried was blonde. I'd done blonde streaks, blonde highlights, but never all-out blonde. For the past several years, I've stayed with pretty much the same brown color because of military regulations. Then I was pregnant and couldn't do much. Since then, I guess I've been waiting until the right moment.

That moment came a few weeks ago when I was visiting family in Tulsa and had the chance to get my hair done by Gail. Gail has been doing my mom's hair since before I was born. She did my hair for all my formals in high school and college and was the first person ever to show me how to straighten it.

When she asked me what I wanted done, I said "I want it short and blonde."

I showed her this picture as inspiration for the cut:

My brother, Tim, says I look like Natalie Portman, so in my dreams, I do.

I started out like this:

Four hours later, I went home looking like this:

Now, obviously, she wasn't done. But my previous color was being very stubborn to come out, and my scalp had so many burns on it from the bleach so we had to take a break. Never fear, I went back the next day and finished:

This was the longest I have ever or will ever spend getting my hair done. It took eight hours total and my hair and scalp were shot. But, I like it. I love the cut and I'm getting used to the color. I don't know how long I'll keep it blonde, but I'm glad I could try it out. I think Gail did a fantastic job with it!

Here's what it looks like curly (in its natural state):

(bonus image of cute husband and baby are free this week)

I also got a new tattoo, courtesy of same brother:

Check out Tim's tattoo shop, Southtown Tats

In case you're new to my blog, my daughter's name, Ayla, means oak tree in Hebrew. So this little oak tree has an Aleph (Hebrew letter A) for branches and a little red Yud (there's no J in Hebrew, so this is the letter most often translated into J for English). It's red because Ayla's birth stone is garnet and it symbolizes a little Jewel (her middle name), though people can think it's a bird, an apple, a butterfly or whatever, because what's a jewel doing in a tree? It's on the inside of my right ankle. 

I love it and think it was worth every bit of the pain. Actually compared to pre-epidural, pitocin-induced labor and having my scalp on fire for 8 hours, I barely could consider it pain at all!

(PS. John loves both changes. He pretty much just loves me and is happy when I'm happy!)

(PPS. Coincidentally, Natalie Portman just named her baby boy Aleph. Hmmm...)

The Six-Month Update

I maybe should've written this post yesterday morning when the world was new and we were all happy and smiles and excited about being six months old. Today, this photo from our "fun" little session yesterday afternoon expresses my feelings, too:

Some days are just hard, you know? (This one was hard because of teething-induced fussiness and neither of us being used to that.)

Regardless, I will plant my flag in the ground of gratitude and press on. 

Two words that could sum up Ayla's development this month are Noise and Motion. 

She's been babbling for a few months now, but this past month she has been exploring the range of her vocal chords, and seems to have an affinity for the very high part of that range. She makes some very cute noises, especially when she has something in her mouth that she uses to make all sorts of word sounds her tongue doesn't know how to do yet. Even as I write this, I'm loving the happy song sounds coming through the monitor as she plays in her crib. There are also some very not cute noises, my least favorite being this new grunting/squeal she just started when she's frustrated or unhappy.

The girl loves, no, LOVES to jump. When we were visiting her cousins in Oklahoma, they showed her that she could bounce in the jumper, not just stand there and chew on things, and now she does it like it's what she was put on this earth to do. 

She's also scooting around on her belly, mostly backwards but she can angle to the side, too. She gets up on her hands and then her feet, but hasn't put it together yet. I think all the jumping has really strengthened her back and now she can do this:

(she can do it for a few seconds, but she can do it!)

Last month, I blogged about how I had started swaddling her again because of the constant rolling over when I put her to bed. She has since learned how to roll back to her belly, but hasn't shown too much of an interest in doing that yet. She also started breaking out of every swaddle strategy I tried, and she took being put down swaddled as a challenge. Last week, I quit swaddling and now just let her fidget and fuss for a few minutes before conking out, which seems to be working well. 

My wise friend, Elizabeth, advised me that every new skill would impact her sleeping habits for a while, so I'm aiming to be flexible with my approach while giving her every opportunity to develop healthy sleep habits.

Finally, we closed out her first half-birthday with a first taste (I would say "bite" but I don't know if she got that far) of solid food. 

mmm...sweet potatoes

I'm trying the "baby-led weaning" approach, which is mostly a misnomer because it is neither baby-led nor weaning (yet), but the idea is that you start with soft solids right off the bat instead of spoon-fed cereal--->purees--->mush--->solids, and you let the child eat as much or little as he or she chooses. That's where the baby-led part comes in. The theory, as I understand it, is that this prevents food from becoming a control struggle between feeder and fed. 

So, it's something we'll try and if it works for us, great, and if not, we'll try something else! I'll let you know how it goes.

Every Day Ayla - Month Six (!!)

Reading up on what it means to be 6 months old

Here's a little video I made of her progress over the last 6 months. If you've got about 3 minutes, I think you'll really enjoy it!

Since it's so late, I'll post the regular "here's how she's doing" info tomorrow. (Hey, she was born almost at the end of the day, so I just follow her lead!)

A Letter from Daddy (Part 2)

(Read the first part here)

...

First, the comfortable, easy and safe road is not always the right one. To choose a path based on what feels best is to serve oneself – which is not how we are designed to live. If you serve only your needs, you’ll never grow, you’ll never experience God’s best for you, and you’ll miss out on many of life’s most precious rewards. This is as true for an individual as it is for a family. The rain is sweetest when you are parched. Being with those you love is more delightful when you’ve missed them dearly. 

Another twist on the same truth is to see the difference between peace and safety. This German guy I’ll teach you a lot about said this: “There is no way to peace along the way of safety. For peace must be dared. It is the great venture. It can never be safe. Peace is the opposite of security. To demand guarantees is to want to protect oneself. Peace means to give oneself altogether to the law of God, wanting no security, but in faith and obedience, laying the destiny….in the hand of the Almighty God, not trying to direct it for selfish purposes.” 

The second thing is this: I am not your ultimate Provider. It is true that I am a primary conduit of provision for you, for now. It is a magnificent and humbling privilege to be entrusted with your life. But I do not have within me all that you need. Though I will want to, I will not always be there when you need me. I will not always say or do the right things. But your heavenly Father will never fail you. He is your True Source and He is always enough. As long as you abide in Him, you will lack nothing. In fact, all that I have comes from Him, and so everything I give to you, I give from what He has given to me. (The same is true, as it turns out, between your mom and me.)

 This doesn’t absolve me of the responsibility to care for you, to be with you, and to teach you the ropes – and I pledge my life to do this with all that I am. But as we embark on this year on opposite sides of the world, I do so with the certainty that God will provide all that you need, and more. I even pray that out of our sacrifice, we will be blessed in ways that we cannot now imagine. 

You are such a precious gift. I cherish you and adore you and am so thankful for you. I hope you will understand, one day, all that I am saying. I ask you to forgive me where I fall short, and for the costly time we are apart. I pray a Father’s blessing over you. I pray your days, especially over this next year, are filled with the greatest joys and that you have all that you need. I pray that your body grows and develops as it should, that you are healthy and safe from all harm.  I know that you will do a great job taking care of mommy.

Don’t stop laughing and smiling, and bringing joy to everyone you meet. 

I love you more than you can now know.  I miss you and can’t wait to see you soon. 

Your Daddy

A Letter from Daddy

Dear Daughter,

I like the idea of being the first boy to write you a letter. That’s cool. I beat all them other suckers to the punch. (That aint all I’ll beat them suckers to either, if need be.) I have so much to say to you; so much on my mind and in my heart that I want you to know. About me, about life, God, relationships, your mom, your history and future. About boys and hunting and camping and guns (your mom can teach you about the girly stuff). About what’s right and wrong and good and fun and bad. But, we’ve got lots of time for all of that. 

Or do we? 

I pray we do. I dream of taking you on dates, just me and you. I can see us now, cruising down the open road on my Harley, or doing just about whatever you want to be doing – as long as we are together. I look forward to talking with you about the things in life that matter most, whether you are five for 15 or 25. I hope and deeply long for these rich days ahead, but I also know what I don’t know: what tomorrow holds. 

No one knows what tomorrow or this week or this month or year has in store. Life is full of surprises, unexpected twists and turns, challenges and hardships, mountains and valleys. I thought I would only get to be with you for one month after you were born. But these nearly six months of your smiles and laughs and not-so-smelly (yet) diapers have been just marvelous.  You are so incredible, more so than your mom and I could have ever dreamed. So chill, so fun to be with, full of smiles and cute noises and love for everyone.

You see, our expectation for tomorrow or next week is based on our very limited and incomplete perspective. Most people aren’t that aware of this fact most of the time. We like to plan things out, to know (and decide) what’s next. Not knowing (or not controlling) the future makes most folks uneasy. But actually, we have no idea what is next whether we think we do or not, and we can learn the beauty in this Arrangement. We are Designed to trust the Maker of Days to arrange for life. He is good, and trustworthy, and kind. Together, I hope you and I can learn to truly abide and have full Joy in the each of our days: never presuming for tomorrow, but always in expectant hope for His goodness. 

With your half-birthday just two weeks away, I am about to leave you and your mom for a little while. Gulp. A year to be exact, minus three glorious three-week vacations. Though I don’t think you’ll remember missing me, I know you will. I know I will miss you. Oh boy do I know.  It hurts to leave.  Even now, I already have a tinge of regret for the precious days of your first year that will pass without me.  Your first words, first steps and so much more. You are growing so much day-to-day, week-to-week.

Why? Why does your daddy have to leave? Why can’t someone else go? Why can’t we have a normal life in an average town and just be together? These are good questions, and ones that I ask in some of the more frequent wavering moments I’ve had lately. Some days, I don’t want to be who I am. I don’t want to leave. I just want to be with you and your mom. Sure, this journey is full of adventure and travel and challenge and gratification, but it comes with a heavy dose of hardship and heartache, mainly from missing you and your mom. 

The answers to these "why" questions pull me in two directions. On one side, I long to be a faithful dad and husband. I must provide for you physically, emotionally, spiritually. I am supposed to teach you many things, and raise you to love people and God. On the other side, it seems, the path in front of me is taking me away from you, and from my ability to do these things. There’s important work to be done, and someone has to do it. This world you are growing up in is a mess, and I have the opportunity, in some small way, to help make it a better place. To do this, requires sacrifice not just for me, but for our family. This position between the two ends is not a comfortable or easy place to be.    

It boils down to two things that I hope one day you’ll understand. 

(To be continued...)

The Wait of the World

That day we were waiting for finally came. 

We had our last date. We had our last kiss. We whispered I Love Yous through tears. We waved goodbye as he slowly walked away.

Then he turned around. Maybe he changed his mind after all!

Oh, he just forgot his jacket. Okay then, another last hug and kiss. 

Deep breath. He's gone. 

Another day three months from now takes its place in the "waiting for" slot. 

(There is always something there.)

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One of my requirements requests for John before he left was to write a guest post. Be sure to tune in tomorrow for that! 

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