Friday, October 22, 2010

Not my own

I was hanging out with my Aunt Paula yesterday. My Aunt Paula from California. Maybe I should be more specific. My dad's sister, Aunt Paula from California, because I have two Aunt Paulas from California. Ok, now that we've cleared that up...

She asked me if I felt like my body was no longer my own, as she had heard other pregnant friends mention. Like, had the baby taken over and was I feeling like a mere vessel. I had to think about it for a few minutes.

Blueberry is definitely moving around so much these days. There is at least one water aerobics class taking place in there every day, usually around noon. I also get "Oh, boy, you woke up at 4 a.m. to use the bathroom, so let's play!" kicks and "Nooo... you can't go to sleep yet!" kicks as bookends to my day. I think Blueberry is doing some decorating in there, too, because I think I feel hammering from time to time.

But so far, it's just been fun. Nothing too painful or uncomfortable and sometimes I forget I'm carrying another person around until I try to bend over or get up too quickly. I haven't had to change my diet too much, but have enjoyed having the excuse to splurge a little now and then (or a lot and all the time. whatever.).

As I continued to think about her question, I recalled how other people are reacting to me being pregnant. I was just visiting family in Oklahoma and Texas and every female and a few of the males in my family approached me with eyes directed and hands outstretched to my belly. I was like "Eyes up here, people, I have a face!"

I don't mind at all, I think it's kind of funny. I think I've probably done that to pregnant people. And every question or conversation has something to do with the baby. It's like you lose track that this person actually existed before they got pregnant.

The more I thought about it, the more I think I can say "yes." My life is not about me anymore. I don't think it ever will be again. Once Blueberry gets here, the attention will shift from my belly to the bundle. The conversation will still center on the baby. Heck, I probably won't have much else to talk about, so that'll probably make things easier.

So, I'm pretty grateful I have these few months left to get used to being a mere baby carrier. Seeing as how I've prayed and dreamed about this for years, I really can't think of anything else I'd rather be!


  1. So true about people forgetting about you. . .when I first got pregnant, I wanted everyone to ask me about it and talk about it all the time. It took us a little while to get pregnant also (not excruciating, but longer than what people tell you is "normal"), so I was just so ecstatic. And not that I MIND it now, but really it's all anyone ever talks to me about. Like even people checking me out at the store. When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl? Do you have a name? Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER complain about having to talk about my miracle. But occasionally I do feel left out, like I'm exciting only b/c I am carrying child. Which I understand, b/c I love pregnant women too. But it's a strange adjustment. . .although I know God is just preparing me for more selflessness to come!

  2. Well said, Anna! It becomes a bad thing when, a few weeks after you have the baby, you run out to the store by yourself and people STILL come up to you eyes and hands directed at your belly. This can happen if you splurge during the pregnancy :)

  3. Okay, I'm not into giving unsolicited advice... but here it comes!

    Don't lose yourself. Be mother, wife, daughter, sister, writer, comedian, employee, volunteer, academic, foster parent, humanitarian, etc. etc. etc.

    I am overjoyed and blessed that you're willing to share this experience with all of us. Thanks, Cousin. I can hardly wait to hear more.

  4. Oh it's not losing's increasing you. Blueberry is part of you. Half you. Half John. All God's creation. You may have to remind folks that you are still an incredibly talented, bright, and amazing woman, but most folks will remember it. They just share your pride in giving the world another creation to love and guide. :)


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