Hi. My name is Anna. It's been 22 days since my last blog.
Today's topic kindof just plopped in my uniform-clad lap. And it is:
Marrying your best friend
I have been married for 4.83 years. So, this opinion comes from that length of experience. Keep that in mind.
I think you should either marry your best friend, or make the person you marry your best friend. Either way, you should be married to your best friend.
I know I'm not alone in this, so if you agree, you might wonder why this is even a topic of discussion.
Today in my office, it was quite the heated discussion (along with all the important, mission-essential Air Force communicating we were doing).
A coworker got off the phone with who she claimed was her best friend whom she dearly loved, no other guy like him in the world, big smile on face. I suggested that he was the kind of person she should marry, but she immediately threw out the typical excuses: We're more like brother and sister, we know each other too well, we're too much alike, and so on. To me, these aren't real excuses. A real excuse would be: I am so not attracted to him, he has a girlfriend/boyfriend, he doesn't ever want to get married, etc...
So, to add fuel to my suggestion, I asked the other guy in the room, who had been married for all of a week and a half, didn't he agree that you should marry your best friend. And he did not agree.
He claimed your relationships with your best friends should be separate from your marriage. Your best friends, he said, take you out and get you drunk and create crazy memories. Your spouse is the steady, supportive person you always come back home to. Your best friends are the people who do the things you love with you, while your spouse is the one you compromise to do the things he/she loves with.
Obviously, we have different viewpoints on this and here's what I tried to share with both of them.
Of course you need to have friends, even best friends, outside of your marriage. You need to have your own hobbies, your own space, your alone time, all of that. You need to have/build/earn enough trust in your partner that you can go do "crazy" activities (alcohol optional) with others without it causing a riff.
But your spouse as your best friend means that is the person you'd rather hang out with than anyone else in the world. That is the person you want to tell your good or bad news to first. That is the person who knows the most about you and loves you anyway. That is your person you want to build crazy memories with, because that is the person you're committed to life with. That is the person who will walk through all the mud and muck of life with you, make you run faster to the finish line, call you out when you're not being true to yourself. That is the person you respect and honor enough to fight fair, both be winners and come out even better friends.
Now, I usually ask a question at the end of my blogs that a person or two will answer, but they go largely ignored. Today, though, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I could've gone on and on about the spouse-as-best-friend philosophy, but I have a feeling some of you could either say it better or inform my opinion.
So let's have it. Should you marry your best friend? Are your best friend and your spouse distinct and separate relationships? What about that friend you love, but just aren't attracted to in "that way?" Any of you marry that one?
Over to you...