I do not like to learn. I just like to know. For someone who wants to be a teacher someday, this is a strange paradox.
Going deeper, though, it's really that I don't like process. I just like result.
I am most uncomfortable when I am new at something. A job, a relationship, a concept. I want to skip right over to the part where I'm an expert. I do not like not being good at something.
I very much like being the strong, capable, competent one. I like to be the one with the answer, the word of encouragement, the good advice.
Now, I realize that very soon, much sooner than I'm ready for, I will be new at something once again. I will not be physically and mentally at my peak. I'm already finding pregnancy brain and body changing what I am capable of.
(And for those of you who haven't been here yet, people LOVE giving you advice when you're pregnant or have a baby! This isn't a bad thing, it's just a constant thing. I digress...)
I don't like asking for help. Oh, I love to give it, I love to be the one people can rely on. I own the phrase, "It is better to give than to receive." But having Blueberry, even now, is making me realize I am going to need help and need to ask for help and need to receive that help gladly and graciously and gratefully. And all of that is a process that I have to learn! (Ech!)
For the past few months I have been telling God, "You are going to have to teach me how to receive, but don't do it yet. I'm doing ok right now." Somehow, though, He keeps loving me and showing me how much I need to receive this gift from Him. This gift of receiving well.
I just wanted to put this out here now, because it's going to be an important theme for me the next few months. And my friend, Alece, who is one of my heroes, said in a video today that it's important for us to tell our stories, even while we are going through them, not just at the end when there's a pretty bow to tie it all up with.
So there you go.
(Strangely enough, I'm really good at receiving your comments. Hmm... :-))